The Elder Fallout: My Little Mosh Pit A D&D Adventure (Because I Can)
by Quintillus54
Summary: The title explains it pretty well. Stuff from everywhere. In a world where most magic is banned from use, a young, somewhat naive elf wants to begin his very own Assassin Guild. Of course, he needs some members first... Rated M for language, violence, and I don't know what else. And I have a picture of an emu as the cover image. F**k yeah, emus.
1. Chapter 1

So, the files for my other stories got corrupted or some bullshit, and I lost all will to write for a while. I may or may not continue them. This is something I've wanted to do for a while though, and I can't stop thinking about it. So please, welcome, the one, the only, what you've all been waiting for in this very lengthy introduction, the thing I won't just get to, my very own personal creation, IT IS:

**The Elder Fallout: My Little Mosh Pit; A D&D Adventure (Because I Can)**

Firque- (Fear-Kay): Elven name meaning "Dark, Forgotten, and Lost"

Chapter One: The Unsanctioned Wizard

"Okay… if I'm reading this right… then the city I'm looking for is… right in front of me!" Our newest hero, a young elf of 19 years by the name of Firque, exclaimed, looking up from the map. The boy had dull grey eyes, ebony hair, and pale skin. He was a little tall for an elf, especially for his age. He was wearing a leather cloak with a black pair of pants and a black shirt underneath. His belt had several pouches and cases on it, and inside of a small pocket of his cloak was a generic iron dagger. All perfect for his trade…

As it turns out, if he had looked up an hour ago, he would've seen the rather large walls of the somewhat bustling city. "Oh… Eh. Time to find a wizard!" he said to himself. Too loudly, I might add…

A pair of predatory eyes glanced in his direction, and a pair of rounded ears perked up, both at the mention of a wizard. "Another trouble-maker… Just wait until the boss hears this…" The shady character faded into the shadow of the stables outside the city.

"This city's so big… how am I gonna find one guy in all this?" Firque said to himself. He was in a small plaza area. There was a large fountain in the center depicting three mermaids with their backs to each other spouting water. There were four streets leaving the area, an inn, and several homes. "… Maybe I should ask around. Isn't that how humans do it?" He walked up to a group of large men talking amongst themselves. "Excuse me, sirs?" he said to them. They all immediately glared at him harshly. "Could I ask you for some directions?"

One particularly large man from the group walked over and stood in front of him. "Whass'a matter little elf? Lost in the big city?" he said in a mocking tone. Firque paid it no mind.

"Yes, actually. Could you tell me how to get to the prison? I need to meet somebody their."

The large man looked to the others, who looked back and smiled darkly. He looked back at Firque and smiled the same. "Yeah, sure. In fact, I'll do ya one better! I'll take ya there!"

"Really? Hey, thanks! I don't do well in big cities," Firque told them as they began to walk into an alley. "So, is this a shortcut?"

"Yeah, kid. Sorta," one of the other men said to him.

_Maybe humans aren't as bad as the Keeper said they were. These guys seem pretty nice, after all,_ Firque thought to himself. Then he saw the alley was a dead end. "Hm. We must've gone the wrong way," he looked up to the men, who were blocking the way out. "It's alright. Honest mistake. Maybe we shou-"

"Will you just shut up already? You knife-ears are so annoying!' One of the men exclaimed.

"Not to mention naïve…" another said, walking closer.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I don't really know how to act around humans yet. So, are we still going to the prison?" he asked hopefully.

"Nope," the big man said. "We're gonna beat the living sh-"

"Aww," Firque said, interrupting him. "Oh well. I guess I'll see you guys later." He ran up the wall of the alley and caught a window ledge, then jumped to a garden somebody had outside of their window. From there, he ran further up the wall onto the roof. "I'll see if I can find it from up here. Thanks anyway guys!" He began running along the rooftops.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"That rat bastard," the biggest man said. He turned away and walked back to the plaza area.

Firque began searching for the prison once more "I wonder why this guy got arrested. Did he accidentally burn down a house or something? I hope he accidentally burned down a house. I would love to see a wizard accidentally burn down a hou- AH!" He slipped on a random discarded banana peel and fell into the street below. "… Ow…" he groaned, standing.

A guard witnessed the act and ran over. "Boy! Why were you climbing on the rooftops?!" he yelled.

Firque looked to him in confusion. _Why is this guy yelling so loud?_ "I was trying to find the prison."

The guard yanked him to his feet and quickly put manacles on his wrists. "Well then, let me just take you to it!"

"Oh, really? Thanks so much! I need to find a wizard there. I need his help to start my very own-"

"WHAT?! Now you want to conspire with an unsanctioned wizard as well?! I will personally make sure you are hanged for your crimes!" The guard began dragging Firque to the prison by the chain of the manacles.

"Hey, that hurts!" he told the guard.

"Good, you little runt!" the guard yelled at him, kicking him in the ribs.

"Ow! Hey!" Two other guards saw the scene and rushed over. "Thank goodness! Please, this man is-" His sentence was cut short when one guard clubbed him in the head with a mace.

"Ugh…" Firque groaned as he sat up. His vision was blurred.

"Kid… Hey, kid.," a voice near him said.

"W-wah?" His vision began to clear slightly and he looked to the source of the voice. There was a human man, not much older than Firque, sitting a few feet away. He was chained to the wall and there was a strange collar around his neck. He wore tattered blue robes. "Um… yeah?"

"I heard you were having some fun before you got put in here," the man said. "Climbing rooftops? What were you thinking?"

"Wait, why is that illegal?" Firque asked the man.

"Disturbing the peace or some crap. And then you had to go and say you were looking for a wizard. Now **that** really got you."

"What? Why is looking for a wizard bad? What's up with these stupid laws?" Firque asked in complete confusion.

"Wow, kid. You're really, **really** uninformed. Let me give you a little history lesson."

"About a decade ago, magic was plentiful in all provinces of Tairn. Then, one man started a genocide the likes of which haven't been seen since the persecution of all the races of elves by the drow. See, this guy managed to find an Old God, buried deep inside an ancient tomb in the Nirn Province. Well, this Old God possessed the man and, with his god power bullshit, made all the races of men unite under one banned. Any who refused were slaughtered. Nobody could stand up to him. There were many rebellions, both passive and aggressive.

All were destroyed. The people, their families, their friends, anyone who could've had any relation to the group, were captured, tortured, and killed. When he had finally 'united' everyone, he declared only two schools of magic acceptable; Divination and Illusion. Divination, because he thought it harmless, and Illusion, because he thought is entertaining. He announced that any who wished to practice them must consult him personally. They would be put through trials and determined acceptable or unacceptable. The latter meant death. Any unsanctioned caster or caster using another type of magic is considered a traitor and must be put down without hesitation.

He then put cruel tyrants in charge of the Provinces and had a temple to himself built, which is where he stays now. It's in the Wasteland Province. And, since nobody wants to deal with Super Mutants, Deathclaws, and other bullshit of that province, there are next to no sanctioned mages.

This Old God thrives form misery, tyranny, and hatred. The tyrants impose laws that cause these. For example, nobody can own a weapon that is not registered with their city's Discipline Department and Armory. The only weapons civilians can own are small knives shorter than three inches and dart guns that fire one inch darts. Most of the people in this world like their weapons quite a bit, so that pissed them off. Nobody can perform an action outside of common normal behavior. That means nobody can express their dislike of… well, anything. That pisses people off even more.

Then there's the punishment. All crimes that the arresting guard rates above 2 stars on their bullshit rating system are punishable by death. I saw a mother of two get executed because her youngest child accidentally kicked dust on a guard's shoe. The two children followed quickly.

Look, I know you're elven, but how can you not know this stuff?"

"Well… my clan is rather… cut off from the world. I just left it about one month ago. I'm trying to start my very own guild!" Firque told him.

"Well, good luck with that now. They have you in the records. Nobody will give you permission for a guild," the man told him.

"Yeah, not if it's legal. But I wasn't planning on having a legal guild anyway," Firque said, lowering his voice. "I'm gonna make an Assassin Guild."

The man raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Well, that's not something you hear every day."

"Yup! But, I guess I won't get to now." He lowered his head in sadness. "Not if I can't get out of here. I came here to find a wizard that got arrested for some reason. I figured if I could break him out, he might join. Guilds like that get popular fast with a wizard in them…"

"… Kid," the man said. Firque looked up. "I'm the wizard."

"NO WAY!" he shouted happily. He leapt across the room and hugged the man. "So you'll join me?!"

"One; shut up. Two; I never said that. But if you get me out of here, then yes. I'll join you." The man thought Firque would explode from happiness.

"Hey! Shut up in there or you won't have to wait for the execution to die!" the guard outside their area of cells yelled.

The man whispered to Firque, "If you get me out of here, I'll join your guild. But it's only until I can manage to find the-… well, the thing I'm trying to find. Got it?" Firque nodded furiously. "Good. Now, how are you gonna get us out?"

Firque reached for his belt… then realized he didn't have it on him. "Dammit, the guards took my belt. Hey guard! Gua~ard! Hello~o!"

The guard walked over aggressively and grabbed Firque by the shirt. "I thought I said shut-" Firque took the guard's dagger and stabbed him in the stomach. He took the keys, unlocked the chains for the wizard, and unlocked their cell door. The two of them ran to the area the guard was in. They saw two chests, a table, several barrels, and a door leading somewhere. Hopefully out.

They checked the chests quickly. Firque found his belt and put it on. He looked for his dagger before realizing that they hadn't found it in their search. The wizard took his spellbook, a few pouches, and couple of other books, put them in his robe, and ran with Firque to the door. Firque tried to open the door, but it was locked. Rather than letting him get the key, Garamond blew the door of its hinges. "I guess that works too," Firque said, the two of them running out of the guard area— and into the barracks.

There were seven guards, all in their civilian clothes. They drew their swords from their beds and moved to kill the two escapees. Firque deftly dodged and plunged his dagger into the guard's shoulder. "What are you doing?! That won't kill them, kid!"

"Well… I don't want to kill them. Their just doing their jobs!" Firque told the wizard as he shot and ray of ice at one guard, hitting him in a place you really don't want to be hit with an ice ray. For several reasons…

"And you want to start an assassin guild…" the wizard chuckled and shook his head. "Well, let's get out of here, shall we?" He made a break for the exit, Firque close behind. They sprinted out of the door and began their run through the city. Turns out, the prison was right next to that plaza Firque had been in earlier.

"Huh. Well, that's kind of funny." He saw the men from before looking at the two of them as they ran from the guards. The wizard turned and shot a ball of acid at their feet. The men looked on with gaping mouths as the two of them ran down the street, dodging civilians the whole way. When they had finally reached the city gates, there were several squads of guards waiting for them. The wizard muttered some words and made some hand motions and there was suddenly a strange dog attacking the guards. Firque suddenly felt a massive burst of speed. He and the wizard made it out of the gates, which the wizard cast a strange bolt of light at.

"That should hold the gates for a minute or two at least. It's too bad this is a plain, huh?" the wizard asked Firque. They were in the middle of a small grassland. If they could run for a mile or two more without getting caught, they would make it to the forest. The burst of speed was leaving, but they were far ahead. Things looked fine. Then came the arrows.

"Aww, come on!" Firque said. Thankfully, the archers were bad shots. Or maybe they were too far away. Most of the arrows didn't come within ten feet of them. But one…

"Ah, shit!" The wizard took an arrow to the knee (yeah, it's cliché. Sue me) and fell. Firque stopped and went back to pick him up. He was moving much slower now.

"Hehe, that really put a damper on things, huh?" Firque asked the wizard.

"You wouldn't be joking if you were the one with an arrow piercing your kneecap." The wizard cast another speed spell on Firque. Maybe they wouldn't die after all…

"Hey, I never got your name," he said to the wizard.

"It's Garamond. Don't forget it, because I hate repeating myself."

Firque sprinted for the forest, dodging hails of arrows and outrunning an entire company of soldiers. Needless to say, with the wizard's magic and the elf's natural and magical speed, they made it to the forest. "That was… fun. Really, really fun." 

"For you maybe…" Garamond mumbled. He pulled some horsehair from one of his pouches and summoned a light horse. Firque placed him on it, and then hopped on it behind him.

"So, why didn't you do this before?" he asked Garamond.

"…. Because fuck you. That's why."

"But… you're the one that got an arrow in his knee…"

"Look, do you want a wizard in your guild or not?"

Firque looked down for a second in thought, then looked back at Garamond. "Point taken."

"Exactly. What's the guild's name. anyway?"

"The Order of Dusk," he answered. "Now, we should get moving." They rode on the horse for the next town. Hopefully they could find somebody to heal Garamond. That injury didn't look good…

_**The Order of Dusk**_

_Moral of the Day: If you throw a baby in a pool of acid, don't expect it to bake a cake._

_(Space for other stuff later. Maybe. I don't know yet. That's why it's here)_

_Members:_

_Firque- Assassin: Leader_

_Garamond- Wizard: Guild Mage_


	2. Chapter 2

**The Elder Fallout: My Little Mosh Pit; A D&D Adventure (Because I Can)**

Just for the record, I hate yolo and I think swag is mentally retarded.

Chapter 2: A Healer and a Pimp

Firque's Journal: 20th day of Blossomflower, 14th Era, Age of the Old God;

Garamond. That's the name of the wizard I recruited yesterday. He has dark brown hair and forest green eyes. He stands a few inches taller than me, so about 6 feet 3 inches. He's 21 years old. He is a wizard, which is illegal in this world at the moment. I recently learned that a resurrected Old God has changed the world outside my clan drastically since the least scout left to check it. My clan wants to isolate themselves from this world. I think we should be much more involved. After all the crappy laws, it's a wonderful place. Garamond and I need to find a healer for his knee. He was shot in our escape form the last city we were in. We got the arrow out and bandaged it, but we need it healed fast. A cleric is our best bet. Also, I found this journal at the abandoned campsite we stopped at last night. I guess I should stop for today.

P.S.—Happy Birthday, Mom. I'll be back to visit soon.

"All done," Firque said to himself.

"With what?" Garamond asked, sitting up.

"My journal. I'm gonna start keeping one," he said with a smile.

"Interesting." Garamond stood up, using a stump beside of him to help himself. He took a piece of horsehair from a pouch in his robe and summoned a mount for us. I walked over to him and helped him onto it. After I was on, I took the reins and started down the path to the next settlement once again.

"Hm. So he found his wizard," said the shady figure that was watching from the bushes. "The boss is definitely gonna be happy about this." The figure faded into the shadows of the forest.

"Firque," Garamond spoke up.

"Yeah? What do you need?"

"If I'm reading your map correctly, there should be a small village ahead. There's a small temple to Celestia, the pretty pony princess. They should have a cleric that can heal me. There's also a temple to Bob, but we don't want to go their."

"Why don't we wa-"

"We. Do not. Want to go. To the temple of Bob. Just trust me on this one."

"Um… Okay?" Firque wasn't sure who Bob was, but whatever.

"Bob is the god of randomness. Entering his temple is like entering an Odyssey. Just. Don't."

"Okay… So… can we visit Celestia someday? I've really been wanting to go the Equestria Province," Firque told him.

"… Sure…" Garamond wanted to as well, but he was a closet brony. So he can fuck off. I feel like that grammar's off, but whatever.

They made it to the village an hour and a half later. Which was good, because Garamond was out of horsehair, and he only had enough power to make the mount last for 2 hours. The two of them walked into the village all like #YOLOSWAG motha fucka. I'll let you picture that. As they walked over to the temple of Celestia, Firque saw the temple of Bob. "…" Garamond wasn't watching. He sprinted for the temple of Bob.

"Firque! NO!" Garamond yelled, running after him. Firque made it into the temple first. Garamond had no choice but to go in after him…

Someday, I will write about what happened here. But for now, My imagination is fixated on the situation at hand.

Garamond and Firque came out of the temple a few hours later. Garamond's knee was better, Firque had a brand new mithril dagger, and Garamond learned a spell to summon the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Also, they were pretty sure that they were married to a very highly intelligent shovel and an even more intelligent candy bracelet.

Garamond looked to Firque. Firque looked back at Garamond. "We will never, ever, ever speak of this to anyone as long as we live and in whatever eternal hell we are now damned to for eternity. Agreed?" Garamond asked.

"Agreed," Firque answered. The two of them stiffly walked to the temple of Celestia. There were two pegasus guards standing at the entrance. "Hey," Firque said to them. They didn't answer. He stopped in front of the one on the right. "Hey." Neither of them budged. Firque took a deep breath of air. "Hihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihiihihihihihihihihihihihihihihiiiiiiiiii!" Nothing. "Man, fuck…" Firque walked inside. "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven randomly came on. You know, because it came on iHeart Radio while I was typing this.

"Hello, and welcome to the temple of Celestia," a young white unicorn with a sun inside of a large star for her butt tattoo and a dark red mane said sweetly. "Is there anything we can help you with?" she asked. Then she looked at them more closely. "Oh dear. You two went to the temple of Bob didn't you?"

"Yup," Firque answered, the song on my phone switching to "Breath" by Breaking Benjamin.

"… Did you marry a shovel?" she asked.

"Nope. That was Garamond. I got the candy bracelet."

"Oh…" she sighed. "I almost wish Pinkie Pie hadn't had that temple built here…"

"Almost?" Garamond asked. "I can summon the Flying Spaghetti Monster. That's an entirely different religion. How can things like that invoke a desire for 'almost' anything?"

"… Magic?" she half-answered.

"… Sure. Wait, why are we here? My knee is healed."

"Well, we still need a cleric for the guild, I guess," Firque answered.

"Oh, you have a guild?" the unicorn asked. "Could I join?"

"It's an assassin guild," Firque answered. "I doubt you want to be a part of that."

The unicorn looked at him seriously. Like, seriously with a capital J. "Even assassins need healing,"

"… Wait, you really want to join us?" Firque asked. "It'll be dangerous."

"Can't be as dangerous as Rainbow Dash practicing her tricks for the Wonderbolts in public. I've had to heal more injuries for that than Manticore attacks…" she sighed as "Cold" by Crossfade came on. "But that was back in Equestria. This is a different province that our lazy author forgot to think of a name for. Anyway, yes, I want to join your guild. My name is Scarlet Snow."

"Hm… Your mane and your coat… Yeah, I see it. Like the blood of my target on the vast tundra of the Skyrim region of the Nirn Province," Firque said creepily.

"Oh. Wonderful," Garamond looked in another direction as "The High Road" by Three Days Grace came on. And yes, It took me that long to think of a name for Scarlet. Leave me alone. Names are hard.

"So! Now we need a pimp!" Firque exclaimed.

"Why. The. Fuck. Do we need a pimp?" Garamond asked.

"For blending in with the crowds, duh. Haven't you ever heard of the war between the Assassins and the Templars? Everyone uses hookers to hide." Just then, "She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd came on. Yes, I am keeping you all updated on the music I am listening to. Also, a Manticore ran into the temple. "Uh-oh. HOOKERS! ARE THERE ANY HOOKERS?! I NEED TO HIDE, HOOKERS!"

"Ugh… Or, we could just kill it and get experience points," Garamond said.

"Oh. Oh yeah! This is the night," he cocked a random hand crossbow that came out of nowhere, "bitches die." He shot it in the foot. Yes, he shot the giant lion scorpion bat thing in the foot. "Man, I am a really bad shot."

"Let me handle this," Scarlet said as "Halfway Gone" by Lifehouse came on. She cast a spell at the Manticore. It looked like it was going to piss itself and ran away. "Fear spell. I have the powers of the Death and Fire domains."

"I wouldn't expect that from a cleric of Celestia," Garamond said. "Honestly, I expected the Healing and Good domains. You can still heal, right?"

"Well duh. Domain spells and Cleric spells are two different things. Also, I'm actually a cleric of Luna." She poured some water on her ass-tat and the paint came off to show a crescent moon surrounded by several stars. "I See Fire" by Ed Sheeran, baby.

"Yeah, that's more like it," Firque said. "I like Luna better anyway. I mean, who doesn't? She's adorable. Almost as adorable as Fluttershy." I couldn't type that with a straight face. Nothing comes anywhere near that close. EXCEPT MY GIRLFRIEND. I'd rather not be killed when she reads this, so yeah. You guys can't blame me… And that doesn't mean I'm lying either!

"So… this pimp we're looking for… where would we find him?" Garamond asked Firque.

"Hell if I know. I've been in a secluded clan of elves whose particular subtype is currently classified. Here's a hint' They're not Wood Elves. Or High Elves. Or Dark Elves. Or Blood Elves. Or Wild Elves. Those are all your hints." Firque is a special kind of elf…

"I would normally ask about that, but finding a pimp is more important right now." … Wait for it… "What the fuck did I just say?"

"Let's find us a pimp!" Firque shouted loudly. He got a LOT of stares form clerics and worshippers as the three of them awkwardly left the temple. "I think we should start in the Red Light District."

"What Red Light District?" Garamond asked. "This is a sparsely populated village with two temples in it. How would their be a Red Li-"

"That one," Firque interrupted, pointing to the Red Light Distric to the left of the temple. It was one building, but that's good enough.

"Oh… fuck you, let's hurry up and get a pimp." … "FUCK!"

Firque jogged ahead into the building, which was more of a shack. There was a black guy inside wearing a purple furry coat with a purple furry hat that had a feather sticking out of it, a golden cane, and gold-trimmed sunglasses. There were also thirteen ho's. "Hello good sir. Are you a pimp?"

"Y~es I a~m!" he said with one of those rapper voice synthesizers. "Are you in need of my se~rvi~ce~es?" he asked Firque.

"Yeah, I need a pimp to join my assassin guild so I can use hookers to hide in large crowds of everyday people that look nothing like hookers and places where there are absolutely no people to be seen whatsoever other than the hookers and me."

"I can set you u~p with tha~t! I just ne~ed you to pro~mise you'll help me adverti~se!"

"You got it man. What's your name, anyway?" Firque asked him.

"Diddy~ Pu~mp Daddy~ , baby!" He told him.

"Got it. Diddy Pump Daddy. That sounds much better with the synthesizer."

"Yeah~, I get that lo~t." He turned to the ho's. "Gi~rls! Diddy~'s gotta go~ for a whi~le. You be good while I'm go~ne, oka~y?" The girls all smiled and nodded. Diddy and Firque walked out of the shack and bumped into Garamond and Scarlet.

"So, is this our pimp?" Garamond asked?

"We~ll, I usu~ally deal in wome~n, but I suppo~s I could make an exce~ptio~n for you~."

"… Fuck it. Let's just go," Garamond said. He plucked a hair from Scarlet, who jabbed him in the ass with her horn, and summoned another mount. "… Fuck. I need two…" He looked at Scarlet. He lunged for another hair, but she dodged and poked him in the ass. So Firque plucked a hair from her tail.

"Ow! Firque, that was mean!" she told him. He looked down and apologized.

"… Wait, how do you know my name?" he asked her.

"Garamond told me," she said as Firque gave Garamond the other hair.

"Ah. Well this is-"

"Diddy~ Pu~mp Daddy~, baby! At your servi~ce."

"Nice to meet you. I think we should get on the road. Aren't you two being chased or something?" she asked Firque and Garamond.

"…"

"…"

"…~"

"So that's a yes?" she asked. Garamond picked her up and Firque and Diddy jumped on one horse. Garamond brought Scarlet on the other. They rode out of town just in time to avoid the soldiers that rode in. "… You know I can run on my own, right?"

"Yeah, but horses are faster," Garamond told her.

They rode off into the sunset, riding to whatever they may happen to find next, this time with a Cleric and a Pimp alongside them.

_**The Order of Dusk**_

_Moral of the Day:__ Always work for a better tomorrow. One where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned._

_(Space for other stuff later. Maybe. I don't know yet. That's why it's here)_

_Members:_

_Firque- Assassin, Level 1: Leader_

_Garamond- Wizard, Level 1: Guild Mage_

_Scarlet Snow- Cleric, Level 1: Guild Healer_

_Diddy Pump Daddy- Pimp, Level 1: Guild Pimp_


	3. Chapter 3

**The Elder Fallout: My Little Mosh Pit; A D&D Adventure (Because I Can)**

Chapter 3: The Cat, the Mouse, and the Angel

Firque's Journal: 21st day of Blossomflower, 14th Era, Age of the Old God;

I got a cleric and a pimp for my guild yesterday! I think I can actually do this! I'll prove the clan wrong and become the greatest assassin ever! My guild will shoot straight to the top! ... As soon as I register it.

"Hey, guys," Firque said to his guildmates, who were all just waking up. They had stopped to sleep in an abandoned barn for the night. "I just realized something."

Garamond was already preparing his spells for the day as he rubbed his eyes and dove into his spellbook. "Yeah?" he asked, paying half-attention.

"We still need to get this guild registered." The other three looked at him in minor confusion.

"I thought assa~ssins gu~ilds were illega~l. How can we~ register i~t?" Diddy Pump Daddy asked him.

"Well, they might be illegal, but they still have to be organized. There's a whole organization of assassin guilds," he told them. "There should be an organization building in the next town. I think it was called Reena or something. We can get it registered there."

There was a dark silhouette watching them from the loft of the barn. "Now they're getting their guild registered? That could mean… yeah. I need to tell the boss." The silhouette faded into the shadows of the loft.

"… Now just who was that?" another figure, one hiding outside the barn, asked herself. She saw them through a small hole in the barn wall. "I'll keep an eye out."

"Hey Firque," Garamond called to the unknown species of elf.

"Yeah?" he answered, jogging over to the human wizard. "What do you need?"

"I feel like we're being followed," he told him quietly. "Just keep an eye out, okay?"

"Got it. I had the same feeling a little while ago, and I thought I saw something move in the loft." Garamond looked up to the loft. It was pitch black darkness.

"How could you possibly see up their?" Garamond asked in minor disbelief.

"I'm an elf. Elves can see in the dark."

"No, elves can see in low amounts of light while retaining color much, much better than humans. Dark elves can see in the dark, in black and white." Garamond thought for a second. "Are you sure you aren't half-drow or something?"

Firque looked at him with a scornful expression. "You really think I'm one of those assholes? They persecuted my race even more than they did the other elven races. It's their fault we are the way we are." Garamond looked somewhat confused. Firque was genuinely upset, and really seemed like he wanted to punch a baby. "I hate the drow. I wish they would all die and burn in Baator." Garamond didn't think he would ever hear Firque say something like that…

"… Well. I think we should just get under way." Garamond stood up and plucked three hairs from Scarlet. She bucked him in the knee. "OW! Fuck! I got shot there two days ago!"

"Too bad. Stop pulling my hair," she told him. Garamond managed to hold back tears (being bucked hurts like hell) and summoned three horsed. He picked up Scarlet and made her ride with him again. "… I can run on my own."

"You're a pony. Horses are faster."

"I will kick you right in the dick."

"Wha-"

"Right. In. The. Dick."

"…" Garamond put her down off the horse. The four of them began riding (and running) to the next town. As it turns out, Scarlet could keep up just fine. "…"

"Told you so," she said to Garamond.

Firque looked behind them. There was nothing there. "What are yo~u looki~n' fo~or?" I don't need to tell you who said that.

"I think we're being followed," Firque told them. "Let's pick up the pace!" The horses and Scarlet all went to a full gallop until they reached a crossroad. "… So… where do we go now?"

Garamond looked over the map. "This thing doesn't show a crossroad here. Hell, it doesn't even show a road."

"Well shi~t." The four of them looked at the other three roads they could take.

"We could all take a different one," Scarlet suggested.

"I'd rather not split up if we're being followed," Firque told her. "But… I guess it'll be faster…" He considered his options for a moment. "Okay, we'll split up. Garamond, you take right. Scarlet, left. Diddy, backtrack and see if you can figure out where we went wrong. I'll go straight ahead. We'll ride for one hour. If we haven't found anything, we'll come back here. If somebody does find something, come back here and wait for the others. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Yep."

"M~hmmm."

"Good. Let's move!"

"Just remember, the spell will only last for about an hour and a half longer, then the mounts are gone until I summon more," Garamond told them

"Right," Firque said. "Just remember guys, somebody may be following us. Be careful, and when your mount disappears, keep you weapon drawn," he told the other two humanoids. Scarlet didn't really need a mount, so… They all rode in their respective directions. All away from one another. On an unfamiliar road. In an unfamiliar forest…

About ten minutes later, Firque was far down the road and had yet to find any sign of civilization. He was looking through the dense forest to find whatever he could. Suddenly, he thought he saw a cabin of some sort deeper into the woods. "Huh. I guess I should ask for directions." He turned his horse into the trees and rode towards the cabin.

Garamond was having very little luck finding much of anything that was alive. Even the trees were dead in this area of forest. He hadn't seen a single animal or heard a single noise aside from the clopping (gigitty) of his horse's hooves on the hard dirt road. The area was barren. Garamond peered into the forest to his right. Just then, he thought he saw movement further in. "… Maybe they're the person or persons following us…" He turned his horse towards them and rode to intercept them.

Scarlet was having a little more luck. She managed to find a kind old lady living in a shack by the road. After buying some food, she asked if there was a town nearby.

"Oh yes, dear. There's an old mining town about a five minute's ride up the road. People say it's haunted, but I used to live their when I was younger. My husband worked the mines. That place is about as haunted as the cabin I'm livin' in." The lady smiled at her and gave her a bag of apples for the road.

"Thank you very much ma'am," Scarlet said to her. She wanted to check and see if the town was worth visiting before she went back to tell the others, so she set out to find it.

"Have a nice day dearie!" the women called after her. "Now why did you make me send her there?" she asked the space around her.

"… You… warned… her…" a raspy, dark voice said. "… Now… she's… ours…"

The woman sighed. "Yeah… just like all those others…" She walked into her shack and lied down for a nap.

Diddy hadn't found anything. This road didn't even look like the one they came through on. "Ma~n, I with I had some ho~'s," he said to himself as he looked around. He had been riding for about twenty minutes. He looked to the sky so he could check how late it was, only to see something drop from the canopy above. Then, everything went black. (No, that is not a black joke)… (Okay, maybe).

"Far over the misty~ mountains co~old…" Firque sang deeply and slowly to himself. "To dungeons dee~ep, and caverns o~old…" He'd learned that song when he had stayed with a traveling band of seven dwarves who were protecting a young, pale girl on a journey across a vast land to reach an evil queen. Firque wanted to go on a quest like that… and he could! As soon as his guild was registered… He pulled his magical mount up to the cabin and dismounted it. The second his feet hit the ground, he felt a dark foreboding. This was an evil place…

"Damn… I wish Scarlet was here," he said to himself, having no divine focus nor divine power to dispel the force that threatened to enter his mind, eager to corrupt the elf. He began the short walk to the door of the cabin. "This is probably a bad idea…" He knocked. Then, he waited. And waited. And waited. After about five minutes, he knocked again, harder. The door slowly creaked open to reveal an old, decrepit living quarters. Firque walked inside cautiously. The door slammed shut behind him.

He unsheathed his new mithril dagger and dropped into a defensive stance, looking around the cabin quickly. There was nothing visible to him other than a fireplace that hadn't been used in years, a bed that seemed even the previous occupants never made, and a large wardrobe. He slowly walked to the wardrobe, never letting his guard down. When he reached it, he grabbed the handle. After taking a second to steel himself, he tore the wardrobe doors open. A decrepit, rotting figure leapt out at him.

He shouted out in surprise and stabbed the being in the heart. It didn't move. "… Oh… It was already dead… I feel stupid." Firque lowered the body to the ground and looked at its face. "What the hell?..." The face was vaguely familiar…

Then it dawned on him.

"Holy fuck!" he screamed, quickly crawling back from the corpse. A hand grasped his shoulder. "Ah, shit! Back off!" He jerked away from the hand, quickly jumping to his feet and sprinting for the door. He slammed into it with all his might, but it didn't budge. He continued hitting the door with every ounce of strength he could summon. Then he looked behind him. The corpse was standing up. "No!" He kicked the door. Then he tried to cut the lock with his dagger. Nothing worked.

"I can't die here dammit! Not today, I won't die today!" Firque shouted. Even if he wanted to fight, he couldn't. There was a malevolent spirit there. Spirits, ghosts, and the like can only be harmed by magic and alchemical silver. The corpse began limping and shuffling closer. Firque could feel the spirit's cold breath on his neck. The presence began to creep into his mind. "Fuck off! Get the hell out of my head!" His demands went unanswered. He continued beating the door as the spirit showed him images of those who came before him, their bodies beneath the cabin, buried for eternity.

Then, the spirit showed Firque. It showed him what they planned to do to him. The kind of evil no man can imagine. _I can't… I will not die here… I have to use it…_ Firque began focusing. He didn't want to use this. He wanted to prove he could live without his clan's powers. But this spirit pushed him… His material body slowly began to vanish as he shifted from the Material Plane to the Ethereal Plane. When he opened his eyes, he could plainly see the spirit. He stared into its hollow eyes. It had a horrible grin. It was… inhuman. It went from ear to ear. Rather literally… It seemed that something had slashed the spirit's cheeks so that its face was permanently smiling that evil grin.

Firque moved his body without moving his limbs, slowly floating away. He stayed ethereal until he reached his horse. The second he turned material, he mounted it and fled the cabin as fast as possible. He couldn't get over the walking corpse. He just couldn't believe that _**they**_ were caught by that spirit…

Garamond had begun to catch up to the mysterious figure he'd seen earlier. He saw that it was a cloaked man on a horse. When Garamond had called out to him, he'd fled. It had turned into a chase. As they dashed through the trees, dodging rocks and leaping over roots, Garamond had been getting steadily closer. This man obviously didn't have much riding experience. Then, his horse stepped into a rabbit hole. It fell, knocking the man off. Its leg was obviously broken. The man stood and looked at the horse. Garamond could see his face now. His hair was light brown and tussled. He had icy, piercing blue eyes. His features were… rather beautiful, to be honest.

"Who are you?" Garamond asked him. The man looked at Garamond with fury in his eyes.

"You hurt him…" he slowly said. "You hurt her horse… She'll be so sad… She might cry…" Garamond prepared himself to cast Magic Missile in case shit hit the fan. "I hate it when she cries." The man reached into his cloak. Garamond spoke the word for the spell. The man drew a pistol and fired it. Garamond raised his hands and moved them in a flourish. A blast of energy shot forth. It hit the bullet just before it reached Garamond. The bullet was destroyed instantly, and the ball of energy continued toward the man. It connected with his chest and sent him flying back a few yards.

Pistols could only hold one bullet, and reloading took a long time, so Garamond wasn't worried. At least not until the man shot another, which slammed right into Garamond's shoulder. Another bullet struck him in the knee. _Fuck, again?_ He dropped to the other knee and prepared another Missile, but the man had already fired the next bullet. Everything went black. (This is also not a black joke)… (And I'm serious this time! There isn't one black man there!).

Scarlet had finally reached the town the woman had told her about. The woman said the rumors about hauntings weren't true, but Scarlet could sense the evil in the air. She looked around. The town part of it was very small. A few houses, a saloon, a general store, and a restaurant. It was very… old west-y.

Scarlet walked over to the saloon. There were only a few people inside. A couple of rough-looking men, a man playing the piano, a woman dancing for the men's amusement, a lone man at the bar wearing a bounty hunter duster, and the bartender. They all seemed to be human. Scarlet walked to the bar and called the bartender over.

"What can I getcha miss?" the man asked.

"I'd like some directions, if that's okay." She just wanted to get the directions and go back to the group. The feeling emanating from this town mad her uneasy…

"Well, sure ma'am. What're ya lookin fer?" the barkeep began wiping down the bar in that area.

"A large town that's supposed to be nearby. I think it's called Reena." That turned a few heads. "My friends and I were going to meet someone there, but we got lost," she expertly lied.

"Reena eh?" the bartender asked. "I recommend ya keep yer voice down, ma'am. Reena is a… touchy subject here."

"Why would that be a 'touchy subject'" she asked, lowering her voice.

"Well, this town and Reena both have mines. Thing is, Reena's mine's better. It stole all the business from this town, and a lot of the miners that lived here moved there when they realized this place was goin' ta shit. A lot of the people left here still hate that place for that."

"Hmm… I've heard some rumors about this town," Scarlet said to the bartender. "I've heard that it's haunted. Is this true?"

"Sure is. That mine's real dangerous, ya see. A lot o' people've died down there, workin' in the mines. Then there were all the murders… When Reena's mine opened up, it pissed a lot o' people off. Some o' the guys from Reena came here occasionally fer whatever reason. They were dead in their beds by mornin', brutally murdered. Then they started killin' everyone who came inter town. Travelers, miners, bounty hunters, clerics… it didn't matter. If yer an outsider in this town, ya won't live ter see mornin'."

Scarlet thought for a second. That was a pretty specific list… The bounty hunter suddenly stood up and reached into his coat, but the bartender smashed a bottle into the back of his head. Scarlet whirled around, only to receive a club to the side of her head.

"Hehe… dumbass outsiders…" Scarlet heard one of the men say. Then, she heard them scream. All of them screamed horrible, bloodcurdling screams. Then, everything went black… (Seriously, not a black joke).

Firque rode for the intersection as fast as he could get the horse to go. He had to get the others and get out of this place. It was evil…

When he finally arrived at the intersection, nobody else was there. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIIIIIT!" Firque screamed at the sky. He then heard a twig snap in the woods behind him. He whirled around and drew his dagger, terrified at the thought of the spirit following him. He began to shake slightly, readying himself to jump on his mount and flee at the first sign of that evil bastard.

Then the spell wore off.

"… No…" Firque dropped into an offensive stance, ready to kill the first thing he saw. That is, until he saw a silver cat with black stripes. "Oh… Thank fucking goodness it's just a cat…" He knelt down and picked up the adorable little cat. It licked him on the cheek. "Hehe… I love cats." He was calming down a little bit. He looked around through the trees. He couldn't see anything, so he sat down with the cat and began gently petting it.

"Fuck… What the hell is going on?" Firque looked at the cat. "Do you know what's going on, girl?" Firque waited for an answer. He wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because the stare the cat was giving him was unusually intelligent for an animal. "Ah, I don't know why I'm asking. You're a cat, right? Cats can't talk."

Then something unexpected happened. Firque suddenly had a very sexy girl with cat ears, a blue, sleeveless, strapless top that barely covered her breasts, a dark grey pair of pants, and a light grey cloak. She had a bow and a quiver of arrows on her back. Her long, bushy tail was in Firque's face. She had a strange, light blue tattoo on her upper-right arm. It looked kind of like a handful of wisps flying around in randomly

"Mrrowwr…" the girl purred while sitting on his lap.

"Merril! What are you doing? That isn't a part of the plan!" A cloaked man ran out onto the road where they were sitting. He had ice-blue eyes that seemed to pierce into Firque's very soul, judging it as if to send him to heaven or hell… His hair was light brown, and was tussled in a way that showed he didn't do anything with it every morning, because he didn't have to.

"Mrrooo~ow~. I don't wanna hurt him," she said, stretching her arms around Firque's neck. "He's nice, and he likes cats."

"But I thought you said you wanted to-"

"I can still do that. It's just that this way, I can join his guild too!"

"Wait, wait. What did you want to do?" Firque asked, both eager and nervous about the answer.

"I wanna get your help with something." Firque was slightly disappointed with that, but still wanted to hear her out. "You see, a friend of mine is… stuck."

"Stuck? Like, under a rock stuck? In a death battle stuck?"

"No. He stepped in glue and we can't get him off." Oh. "You have some tools in your belt that can help, right? None of my spells can do it, and Jace over there can only make gun stuff. Gunpowder probably wouldn't help with this, so we wanted to ask you and your wizard friend to help us!"

"… What the hell was your plan?" Firque asked, dreading the answer.

"We were gonna tie you all up and make you help us. We already did that to your pimp friend, and Jace decided to freak out and hurt your wizard friend." Firque shot up and grabbed Jace by the collar.

"What the hell did you do to him?!" he yelled.

"I suggest you let me go, mortal. You don't want to fight an angel, after all." Jace removed his cloak, revealing two large, white, beautiful wings. He stretched them out widely.

_Damn. They must be 6 feet long, each._ Firque punched him in the stomach. "I don't give half a flying rat's ass what you are. Tell me what you did to my friend."

Jace keeled over from the punch. Angels of his kind aren't the most resilient people…. "Okay… Sorry… I shot him a bit… Merril healed him… He's fine…"

Firque turned to Merril. "Thanks for healing my friend. You could've just asked for my help though, ya know?"

"Yeah, but that wouldn't be any fun," Merril told him. She then got very, very close. "And I can't do whatever I want with you now…"

Firque almost said something rather embarrassing when a horse rode up, carrying Garamond and Diddy on its back. Firque walked over and grabbed them both. They were unconscious, it seemed. He put them on the ground, cut their bonds, and thought for a second about a fun way to wake them up.

"What are you thinking about?" Merril asked him.

"A fun way to wake these two up…" Firque said, without realizing how that sounded…

"Oh? I didn't know you swing that way. That's rather disappointing…"

"What?" Firque asked. Then he thought for a second… "…" … "…" Then a second turned into a minute. "…" …" "… Wait a second! That's not what I meant!" Firque vehemently said.

"Mhmmm~…" Merril smiled sensually. Then, she cast a spell and two gallons of pure, beautiful, ice-cold, crystal clear water appeared… right over Garamond's and Diddy's heads.

"GAH! FUCK!"

"WHAT THE HE~LL MA~N?!"

Firque promptly began rolling on the forest floor laughing his fucking ass off (ftw). Garamond looked angry for a second, then sighed and let out a small chuckle. Diddy stood up, dusted himself off, and full-on pimp slapped Firque.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…~"

"OW!" Firque's delayed reaction was similar to the reaction from waking the wizard and pimp up, but he was now screaming in pain rather than laughter." Fuck man! That hurt!"

"Goo~d."

"Hey, Firque," Merril gently touched his shoulder. Firque looked at her. "Can we go help my friend now?"

"Uh, yeah sure! Hey, Diddy, Garamond, you two stay here and wait for Scarlet. I'm gonna get her friend unstuck."

"Is he under a rock kind of stuck? Or death battle kind of stuck?" Garamond asked.

"He stepped in a puddle of glue or something like that," Firque told him.

"… Oh."

"Jace, you stay here too, kay?" Merril smiled at Jace. He sighed.

"Yeah, sure. Just hurry up." The cat and the elf turned to go. "Oh, hey, wait a second!" They turned around. "Firque, is it? C'mere." Jace walked away from the group slightly. Firque followed, ready to slap a bitch.

When they were out of earshot, Jace turned to Firque. "Listen. Merril? She's like a sister to me," Jace told him. "If you do anything to hurt here, I will hunt you down and eviscerate you, then hang bags of your blood from trees over a children's playground."

"… Wow. Okay. I wasn't planning on hurting her, you know." He turned to look at her. "I mean, come on. Who could do something to damage _that_?" He asked.

"… You would be surprised…" Jace said.

"Hey." Jace turned to face Firque. "I won't let any harm come to her whiles she's with me, okay?"

"… Thanks…" he said. "Now hurry up. You're making her wait."

Firque jogged over to her. They both began running to the location of Merril's friend, on the same road Scarlet took about two hours ago…

"Ugh…" Scarlet groaned, waking up. She was still in the saloon. She looked around and saw nothing had changed except the décor. It now had an 'asylum doctor went insane and killed all of his patients and hung their organs from the ceiling and painted the walls with their blood' theme. "Ugh…" she groaned again, almost throwing up. Everybody else was gone. Or at least, what was left of their bones and skin was gone. The rest of them was still there. Definitely still there…

Scarlet stumbled out of the doors and into the street. The stench of death was heavy in the air. She tried to cast a healing spell, but there was too much negative energy. It canceled her magic. So she knelt down and prayed. "Dear Luna, please give me the strength to escape this place of evil and death. Please, help me to survive so I may someday return here to banish this force for eternity." There was suddenly a dark swirl in front of her. Before she could see what it was, she passed out again.

"So, where's your friend?" Firque asked Merril.

"He's in a thicket up ahead. It shouldn't be hard to get him out."

"Okay, let's move." They left the road and went into the forest. She led him to the thicket that held her friend. "… You didn't tell me there was a graveyard in this thicket." Firque looked around and saw dozens of graves. They were all so old that none of the writing could be made out anymore. One grave had a date that was still somewhat intact.

2_ d_ _ Bl_s_mf_ow_, 7th E_, A_ o_ t_e Ev_ G_es_

"Shit… second? Or twenty-something. Day of Blossomlower, seventh era. Age of the… What?" Firque was confused… "Nobody knows much about the eras before eleven…"

"Firque!" Merril called to him from across the thicket.

"Huh? Oh! I'm coming! …Hm…" He left the grave and walked over to Merril. She was standing over a large yellow mouse that was standing on two legs.

"It's about time, Merril!" the yellow mouse said.

"Holy shit… Is that a Pikachu?" Firque asked Merril.

"I can talk, buddy. And yes, I am. I'm from the Kanto region of the Pokèmon Province."

"Holy shit! They never let anyone in or out of there!" Firque looked at him, shocked.

"Yeah, I'm illegal. Now, Merril, are you gonna get me outta here?"

"Nope," Merril told him, smiling.

"Oh, what the he-"

"He is," she said, pointing to Firque.

"What? What can he do?" the electric mouse asked. "I mean, whatever you wanna try is good, but can you actually get me out?"

Firque examined the 'glue' he was in. "Yeah. I can. But this isn't glue."

"Well what the hell is it?" the Pikachu was getting irritated.

"It's poop. From a ȻɠɸʥЙѬ."

"… Okay, how the fuck do you even pronounce that? I only got it from the subtitles."

"I have no idea. I just kinda said it," Firque told him. He took out some tools and got to work. About ten seconds later, the mouse was out of the deep shit he had gotten himself into. Okay, so it wasn't that deep, but still.

"Hey, thanks kid. Now let's go." The Pikachu began to run to the road. Suddenly, a random thought dawned on Firque.

"How old are you, Merril?"

"I'm 18," she said, going after the Pikachu.

"…" He waited until she was somewhat far away. "Yes! She's legal almost everywhere!" He then turned to go after her… only to see **it** right there in front of him. That corpse. "… N-no… g-go away…" He began backing away, but fell over a gravestone. He looked up to see the spirit in a material form. "… Fuck…" The spirit brought down a wicked knife, heading straight for Firque's heart. He got over his fear for a moment and rolled out of the way.

"I said it before. I won't die today." Firque shook himself, getting over the fear completely. He pulled out his mithril dagger and charged the corpse. It tried to grab him, but he pulled the dagger up under its chin. It pierced all the way through, poking out of the top of the corpse's head. "There… rest in peace, you bastard…" He turned away from the spirit and ran as fast as he could.

That's the thing about elves. They're really, really fast. He caught up to Merril and the Pikachu like it was nothing.

"What was that about, Firque?" Merril asked him.

"Just a minor… altercation with one of the forest's residents."

"Oh. Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Don't worry. I actually feel… stronger. Like I've grown a bit." Merril smiled at him as they continued their run to the others.

This time, Scarlet woke up in the middle of the intersection that the group had started this little adventure in. Garamond was kneeling over her.

"You okay? You've been out for a while. Luna said you'd be fine, but…" He looked over to the road she had taken, where something seemed to be coming.

Firque, Merril, and the Pikachu whose name Firque still didn't know arrived at the intersection to see Scarlet there with everyone. Firque ran up to her.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked her.

"… Yeah. But we need to hurry up and get to Reena."

"Yeah, I know. This forest is fucked up. Anyone find the way?" Firque looked around. Garamond looked at Jace, Diddy looked at Merril, and Scarlet looked down. "Well shit."

"I know the way there," Merril said. "Me and Jace have been renting a hotel room there."

"Really? That's awesome!" Firque said. "Well, the part about you knowing the way, I mean."

"Oh? Are you jealous about me sleeping in the same room as Jace?" Merril asked him. Everyone snickered at that.

"What? No! Stop twisting my words around!" Firque said, flustered. "Jeez… Women…"

"… You… let… her… go…" the dark, raspy voice said in the dark, dank air of the mining town. "… You… will… pay…"

_**The Order of Dusk**_

_Moral of the Day:__ Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver._

_(Space for other stuff later. Maybe. I don't know yet. That's why it's here)_

_Members:_

_Firque- Assassin, Level 2: Leader_

_Garamond- Wizard, Level 2: Guild Mage_

_Scarlet Snow- Cleric, Level 2: Guild Healer_

_Diddy Pump Daddy- Pimp, Level 1: Guild Pimp_

_Merril- Hunter, Level 2: Guild Guide_

_Jace- Gunslinger, Level 2: Guild Member_

_Unnamed Pikachu- Fighter, Level 1: Guild Member_


	4. Chapter 4

I feel bad about forgetting to update, but now I have sherbet! That is how you spell that, right? My computer says it is, so I'll go with it. I can do this now! Sherbet powers: activate!

**The Elder Fallout: My Little Mosh Pit; A D&D Adventure (Because I Can)**

Chapter 4: Registration

Firque's Journal: 25th day of Blossomflower, 14th Era, Age of the Old God;

Well, now I have a catgirl hunter, an angel gunslinger, and a Pikachu fighter in my guild. The last few days have been spent traveling to Reena to get our guild registered. We're almost there now, but a bunch of guys are stopping us. I should probably stop writing so I can see what they want.

"Oy! Ya fuckin' elf!" one of the men shouted. "Stop writin' in ya diary and getcha' arse over 'ere!" The man was wearing chain shirt, which was better than the armor the others were wearing.

_So he's either the leader or the tank. Why don't we have a tank yet? We need a tank…_ Firque put his journal into a case on his belt and walked over to the man. "Sir, we need to get to Reena, and it's been a long trip, so I would appreciate it if you would move."

"Excuse me?" the man said angrily. "I ain't here ta be ordered around by some fuckin' knife-ear!" he shouted in Firque's face. "I'm here ta fuckin' rob ya! Now empty ya pockets and I'll think about lettin' ya live!"

Firque reached into his robe and pulled out a pouch of coins. He handed it to the man. "Happy?"

"Nope! Every one 'a yas! Empty ya pockets!" Firque turned and walked back to his group. He then reached into his cloak and pulled out a small box. The box had a button on top. Like any self-respecting person would, he pushed the button.

The lead bandit was no longer alive, needless to say. Several of the men near him were also now dead. "Thanks for that gunpowder, Jace," Firque said, turning to his angel friend.

"No problem." Jace pulled two pistols from his cloak and fired into the small crowd of bandits. Five of the seven were dead before they had taken a step. The other two were shot down by one of Merril's arrows and one of Garamond's missiles. "Pathetic mortals."

"Alright, let's loot the bodies and get moving!" The group moved to the bodies. Firque went to the leader. He took the chain shirt from him and tossed it to Jace. "I don't wear armor."

"I don't either. Actually, does anybody in our group?" Jace asked. Everyone looked up. Not one member of their group used armor. It would impede Firque's movements as an assassin, Jace shot anything before it got close enough and needed mobility to fly and climb, it would mess with Garamond's spells, Diddy didn't fight, the Pikachu was too small, Scarlet couldn't wear that, being a pony, and Merril only wore light armor.

"Well shit. I guess I could keep it in case somebody who wants it joins," Firque said. "Or we could sell it."

"Hm. Yeah," Jace said, throwing it to Firque. He put it into the small pack he had under his cloak. He had picked that up from the roadside a few days ago.

"I knew this thing would come in handy." They continued looting. Jace got a shortsword in case he ever got into melee combat, the Pikachu found a dagger that he could use as a shortsword because of size, Merril took some sweetrolls from one guy and immediately dove into them, Garamond got some spell components and a spellbook from their mage, you really, **really** don't want to know what Diddy took, and Firque took a blowgun and some darts. There was no poison, so he would have to make some.

"This spellbook is crap," Garamond said. "Nothing but Cantrips and some 1st rank spells I already know. At least the components are good. He had some sand I can use for Color Spray."

"Good. We're almost in Reena, everyone. Once we get there, I'll head for the bureau (I thought of the word I couldn't think of for the organization's building) and you guys go do whatever you need. We'll meet at the inn Merril and Jace have been staying at. What did you say it was called, Jace?"

"It's the Nightingale Inn. Anybody in town can point you to it."

"Good. Let's move." They began walking down the road to Reena.

"So, they've made it to Reena," the shadowy figure in the trees said. 'Bout time. I'll take this to the boss," he said, fading into the shadows.

When they finally reached the city, they realized that the other town they had been in was nothing more than a village next to it. Dozens of guild bureaus, hundreds of shops, a massive mine on the east side of town, and a keep in the center that rivaled the grandest of castles. The city also had more races than a person could name if they had a week to do it.

"Wow…" Firque said quietly. He was awestruck. He had never seen a place so large and diverse. He walked slowly through the city gates. A strange hooded person bumped into him and kept walking. Firque, coming out of his daze, realized that his badass man-purse was a little lighter. "… Aw, dammit! That guy stole my money," he said in a whisper, pretending he didn't notice.

The man was still walking. Firque wanted to keep it that way as long as possible. If he ran, Firque doubted he or any of his group could catch him in this city. He began to walk to an alley. It led to a street parallel to the one he was on. The man turned on the main street, going to that street as well. Firque climbed a building in the alley and jumped over to the building above the man. He was too far away to make the jump, so he jumped down and landed quietly in a pile of roses. Roses, however, have thorns. It was… unpleasant. Once he got over the desire to shout several curses and throw his dagger at the man, he got out of the roses.

The man had turned onto another street at this point. Firque quickly followed. He saw the man walking down the street and getting ready to turn on another street. Firque climbed another building and ran along the rooftops until he was right over the man. Then, he leapt down and landed right on top of the man.

"What the fuck?!" the man shouted. His hood had fallen off when Firque tackled him. His eyes were a bright hazel, and he had very pale skin. His hair was very long. It ran all the way down his back, and was light grey at the top, but slowly changed to dark grey as it went to the bottom. Oh, and he had dog ears.

"What the fuck?!" Firque asked. "Okay, seriously, what's up with all the anthropomorphic animals around here?" The rest of his group caught up to him. Merril looked at him.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Too many super-sexy kitties for you?" Then she looked at the guy. "Oh. **He** is a **dog**.'

"No fuckin' way." the dog-guy said. "I never noticed."

"And he's rude." Merril gave him a look of disdain. "Just like a mutt."

"Hey! Shut the fuck up!" the dog-man shouted. Firque put his dagger to the man's throat.

"I want my money back."

"Take it, asshole," the dog-guy told him, pulling it from his pocket. Just then, another man ran up. They quickly realized he was also a dog-man, because he wasn't wearing a hood. No, he was wearing heavy banded mail and carrying a tower shield. He also had a massive longsword that looked like it was meant for a minotaur, not someone the size of a human. Although, he was rather large himself… His hair was short. It was grey in the very front, but the rest was black. He had a large moustache that went down below his mouth. His eyes were also a bright hazel.

"Hello. Did my brother take your money?" The dog-guy asked in a disturbingly deep voice. Kind of like Major Armstrong in FMA. Disturbingly deep. And intimidating. Firque nodded. "I'm sorry, sir. He's just a little… desperate." The dog-man looked at his brother. "Come on, Lycas. Let's go."

"… Whatever." He shoved Firque off and stood up.

"Another dog," Merril said. The new dog-guy looked at her.

"Oh. Hello ma'am." Merril looked at him with less disdain than his brother, but not by much.

"A polite dog is still a dog. I don't like dogs."

"Well, we were just leaving, bi-"

"Brother. That's enough." The man looked to Firque. "Again, I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again." With that, the two of them began walking away.

"… Well, that was weird," Firque said. "Let's go get registered. I want to have an official guild before sundown!"

"Well, we better hurry then," Garamond said, pointing to the setting sun.

"… Okay, that's no fair!" Firque began sprinting to the bureau… and then realized he had no idea where it was. Then he slipped on a banana peel. "Okay, why all the fucking bananas?!" A man passed then. He had a large cart full of bananas.

"Looks like I have to replace it now," he said. He took a banana from the cart and began eating it. When he was done, he carefully placed the peel where the previous one had been when Firque slipped on it. "Hey man, other people need comic relief. You aren't the only one. Stop using up all my peels." He walked away, pulling his cart along.

"… Man, fuck logic." Firque stood up and looked around. He had absolutely no idea where to go or what to look for.

"Hey," Merril said when she caught up. "Let's just go to the Nightingale Inn. I'm sure somebody there can tell us where it is."

"No. I want to find it before sundown." He sprinted off again… and slipped on the banana peel. This time, he hit his head on the cobblestone street and blacked out.

When he finally came to, he was in a strangely comfortable bed. It was dark out. Garamond was sitting at a desk in the room, writing something in his spellbook. He looked at Firque and threw a handful of rose petals at him. "Oh. Roses. I don't like roses." Firque began to get exhausted suddenly. He fell back into a deep sleep.

When he woke up for the second time, he wasn't in a bed. Or a room. Or outside, for that matter. He wasn't sure where he was. It was a large, open void. "… Oh shit. BAWB! BAWB, WAT R U DEWEENG?!" Regular human speech was not spelled correctly in the realm of Bob. "BAWB, DAMMEET BAWB STAHP!" A candy bracelet floated over to Firque. "O noh. NOH NOH NOH NOH NOH! BAHD CANDEE BRASELIT! GOH AWAEE!"

"Firque. You are exhibiting a level of randomness that has began to begin the path of rivaling my own." Bob materialized in the form of a grapefruit in front of Firque. "I need you to stop exhibiting such extreme levels of randomness. You may cause my godhood to be revoked if you do not."

"Butt thaat'z hoo AI aem," Firque told him.

Bob sighed. "I know, young one. You are random. Perhaps it is time for me to pass my godhood down." Bob the Grapefruit looked at Firque. "But not yet. You must become more random than me. You must learn how to make candy bracelets intelligent so they can beat smart people in IQ tests and how to shapeshift into various fruits and vegetables."

"AI dew naht wunt yoor gawdhud. AI wunt tew bee un assasseen," Firque told Bob the Grapefruit.

"Oh. Well then, there was no point in talking to you. See ya." Bob the Grapefruit became Bob the Chimpanzee and sent Firque from his realm.

Firque woke up in the same room as before. Garamond wasn't there, but Merril was. She was cuddling with him like an adorable little cat. Firque slowly got up and put on his cloak. Thankfully, they hadn't taken anything else off of him. He walked from the room and down the stairs to his left. At the bottom was a large room with several tables. Garamond and Jace were talking at one table while Diddy was talking to several girls in a corner. Firque walked over to a shady man who was standing away from everyone else and stood next to him.

"Word on the street says you know where a certain less-than-legal bureau is," Firque said to him. He had absolutely no clue who this guy was, or if he knew where the bureau was, but he had to start somewhere.

"Maybe. You got cash?"

"Plenty. But I want my info first."

"Of course, of course. Look for the wolves. They can point you to it."

Firque thought for a second. _Wolves… wolves… what the hell does he mean?_ "Right… can I get an answer that's a little more straightforward?"

"Sorry. Gotta keep this… guarded. You understand, right?"

"… Yeah."

"Good. That'll be one-thousand gold pieces, right here, right now."

"What?!" Firque asked loudly. Garamond and Jace looked over. Diddy had gone upstairs.

"Not so loud, moron!" The shady man glanced to one table. There were two rather large men sitting there looking in their direction. "Now, do you have the gold?"

"No…" Firque looked at Jace. He already had one hand in his cloak.

"Well, that's too bad." The man reached into his jacket. "I really thought we could be friends." He yanked out a dagger and tried to stab Firque. Firque, however, had been studying him as they were talking. He parried the dagger and thrust his own upwards through his neck into his head. He was dead before he hit the ground. The two men stood up, only to have their heads blown off, one by a magic blast and the other by a bullet.

"Well, that was fun," Firque said, standing up.

"I thought you didn't like killing."

"Not when it's an innocent or somebody that only provoked me because they had to, like the guards. They were just doing their jobs. But if somebody's just being an ass, like this guy or those bandits back on the road, they die." And that thing at the cabin had fucked him up a bit.

'Hm. Good," Jace said. "I was afraid my leader was a pussy."

"Well I'm not. And I'm not afraid to prove it." The rest of their group came rushing downstairs. Merril was a cat and dashed over to Jace. She jumped on his head and looked around the room. The Pikachu had his dagger drawn and was charged with lightning. Scarlet had a fear spell prepped. Diddy had the flintlock pistol he had apparently acquired while Firque was knocked out. "Hey guys. It's all good, we took care of it."

"What happened?" Scarlet asked.

"I think I figured out how to find the bureau. Anyone know where those dog-guys went?" Merril immediately hissed and jumped down. She turned back into her semi-human form.

"Why do we have to find _them_?" she said venomously.

"They know how to find the bureau, I think. Why do you hate them so much anyway?" Firque asked her.

"The same reason you hate drow."

"… Let's just go." He walked out of the inn and began looking around. "If we can get back to where we were yesterday, maybe we can track them."

"Or you can look over here," Lycas said, walking up. "My brother made me come check on you and see if you were alright for some reason. I guess if I help you with whatever it is you need, he'll get off my back."

"Awesome! We need to get to the bureau," Firque told him.

"What bureau?" Lycas asked. "There are like, fifty of them."

"The assassin bureau."

"Oh. So you want to become an assassin guild…" Lycas looked over to the left of the inn. "I'll take you there." He began to run in that direction. Firque followed him. The others went after them. Sadly, Lycas was even faster than Firque, who was running at full speed, and the others were even slower. Scarlet kept up pretty well though. Garamond cast his speed spell on everyone but Lycas and they managed to catch up.

"You're really fast," Firque told him.

"Yeah. It comes with being an Okamikiba and a ninja."

"Okamikiba?"

"Yeah, we're basically canine-people. Me and my brother left our tribe because we didn't like the way they did things. They were brutal and ruthless. My brother's a paladin, so I think you can see why things didn't work out with him. I prefer to be quick and clean when I do shit. They were slow and messy. And they were evil. We didn't like any of that, so we left."

"And they just let you?" Firque asked.

"Hell no. They're still chasing us down, to this day. But they can't even hit me in a fight, and my brother is so strong that he can crush their heads in his hands. He hardly even needs that massive sword he's got. Of course, he prefers it. But he doesn't need it."

"That sword's massive. How can he use it?"

"Like I said, he's insanely strong. He has no trouble swinging that thing like you could swing a shortsword."

"And what about you? What weapons do you use?" Firque asked him. He quite liked ninjas.

"I use a katana in frontal combat. When I need someone dead quietly, I use my dagger. When I need someone knocked out, but not killed, I use my sap."

_Fuck, this guy's an expert. I wonder if he would join me…_ "Hey Lycas, would you like to join my-"

"No. I'm freelance. I work with guilds sometimes, but I won't join one." Firque felt like that would be a good time to stop questioning him. They ran through the town a little more before Lycas stopped suddenly in front of a rundown shack. Firque stopped with him, as did Merril, but the rest of them slid for a little while. Garamond slid into a heavily armored man that was walking along.

"… Ouch…" The large man didn't budge. Garamond, however, looked like he had hit a large metal pole.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. I didn't see you there." Firque looked at his face and realized that it was Lycas' brother.

"Hey bro," Lycas said.

"Oh, hello Lycas. I see that you're helping these people. That's very kind of you." He smiled widely at him, although it was hard to tell beneath his moustache.

"Only because you'd nag me like Mom if I didn't…" His brother walked to his side and loomed over him.

"If I didn't, you wouldn't know how to act in public."

"Um… sure…" Lycas looked at Firque. "Well, there it is."

"Thanks. Hey, at least consider my offer. Please?"

"What offer?" the very large, scary man asked.

"N-nothing! It's nothing!" Lycas told him quickly.

"I asked if he would join our guild."

"No dammit! Why'd you tell him that?!"

"Well, I've been telling Lycas to get a job, and I need one as well. Joining your guild sounds like the perfect job for two people like us! And the laws against all of these things are wrong. As long as we don't kill anyone good, it's fine with me." He laughed a very loud, bellowing laugh that terrified everyone there. "Let's go get the guild registered!"

"U-um, right!" Firque walked into the shack and looked around. It stank, it was leaking, and it was broken down as fuck. Perfect disguise! There was a woman dressed in a very official-looking business suit sitting at a des in the corner, facing the door. Firque walked up to her. "Is this where I register my assassin guild?" he bluntly asked.

"Yes. Name of the guild?"

"The Order of Dusk."

"That's taken. Think of a new one." Firque looked like somebody had just told him Kurt Cobain had died.

"W-what? Oh shit… ummm…." He began to think furiously. Then he thought of his name. Then he thought of the meaning of his name. Then he decided, since he's the leaded, why not incorporate his name? "How about Forgotten Legion?"

"That's fine. You are now an official guild. Now, tell me the members and their ranks."

"Well, there's me, Firque. I'm the leader. Garamond is our Wizard. Scarlet Snow is our Cleric. Diddy Pump Daddy is our Pimp. Merril is our Hunter/Guide. Jace, the Pikachu-"

"I'm John."

"John, Lycas, and…"

"Luparus."

"Luparus are members for now."

"Okay. All set. You're officially a guild. Do you have a guild hall?"

"… Um… No?"

She sighed. "Then you'll have to come here for work."

"Oh. Okay. I guess we should try to get a hall soon."

"That would be best. Here's you r first job." She handed him a paper. This paper had words on it. And a number. A very large number.

"Ho- Wah- Ah-" Firque looked at the number for a long while. "Twenty-thousand gold…"

"HOLY SHIT!" Lycas shouted. "Seriously?! If I'd known this guild stuff was so well-paying, I would've joined one a long time ago!"

"Well, we have to split it, but that's still about twenty-two-hundred for each of us."

The lady sighed again. "Most guilds have a set up something like this: They take several jobs and post them for the entire guild. Whoever takes and finished that job inside the guild gets fifty percent of the job. Forty-five percent goes to the guild funds. Five percent goes to the leader. Everyone in the guild who doesn't do jobs, like bartenders, maids, etc. get paid a salary from the guild funds. Freelance can't get very good jobs. Most of them pay five-thousand at best, and that's for king-killers. Guilds get the good jobs, so joining a guild is more profitable than freelance. The leader earns much more than anyone in the guild because, as an example, when everyone in a guild of one-hundred does a job worth ten-thousand gold, They all get five-thousand. They leader gets five-hundred from each. Five-hundred times one-hundred is fifty-thousand. This is why that set-up works. You should work on getting more members."

"Thanks. We'll get right on that. I think we'll all just do the jobs together for now, though."

"Okay. Come back here when you finish. If you ever get a guild hall set up, come tell me. I'll give the address to our couriers and they'll deliver jobs to you."

"Sweet! Thanks!" Firque led his group from the building. When they were outside, he began reading the paper. They had been asked to assassinate a powerful sorcerer in a town about ten miles west of Reena. "We have to kill a powerful sorcerer by the name of… Gazaroth?"

"Wait, what?" Garamond asked. "Gazaroth? That guy's insanely powerful. He could obliterate us with one fireball!"

"Well, between me, Merril, and Lycas, I don't think he'll ever see us." Merril didn't look happy at all about having to work with Lycas, or about having them in the guild at all, but she didn't say anything. They all began walking down the road out of town. This Gazaroth didn't have a chance.

_**Forgotten Legion**_

_Moral of the Day:__ I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night. I smoke two joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright. I smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of war. I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more.._

_(Space for other stuff later. Maybe. I don't know yet. That's why it's here)_

_Note: If I ever accidentally leave anybody out when I say every name in the guild, I'm sorry. It's getting a little big._

_Members:_

_Firque- Assassin, Chaotic Good, Level 2: Leader_

_Garamond- Wizard, True Neutral, Level 2: Guild Mage_

_Scarlet Snow- Cleric ,Neutral Good, Level 2: Guild Healer_

_Diddy Pump Daddy- Pimp, Chaotic Neutral, Level 2: Guild Pimp_

_Merril- Hunter, Chaotic Neutral, Level 2: Guild Guide_

_Jace- Gunslinger, Chaotic Good, Level 2: Guild Member_

_John- Fighter, Chaotic Neutral, Level 1: Guild Member_

_Lycas- Ninja, Chaotic Good, Level 1: Guild Member_

_Luparus- Paladin, Lawful Good, Level 1: Guild Member_


End file.
